I can't outplay myself

Well, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I haven't posted because I've been glooming badly - so far off my game I keep asking myself if I even have a game.

It took several losses for me to realize that as soon as I decided to play for a living I went on some kind of tilt - every chip became food I'd taken off my family's dinner table so to speak. And I started chasing those chips, trying to force hands in the worst way possible, and then misplaying hands so that I didn't get value. Suddenly the stakes I'd been comfortable with for months had become uncomfortable for me and I was playing like someone with Turrets who only shouts 'Raise! Call! Fold!' and only at the worst possible moments.

I've taken some time off the live tables - finally tested the waters yesterday by playing a few small things on Lock and suddenly my game returned to me.
I stuck $100 on there and just played a few micro things. But I felt like my game and my poker mind was back.

I knew my bankroll wasn't near enough to be fully rolled, but I didn't realize what a toll it would take on my game when it became reality that I wasn't just playing and making money at poker, I HAD to make money at poker. I don't know if I can really express what a mind f**k this was in so many ways - including letting so many people down.

So, I've been interviewing for part-time jobs as well for the last week. This should take the expenses edge off, and I'll go back to the local cash tables. In the meantime, I'll play micro S&Gs and MTTs online and stabilize myself again.

Live Session Stats:

P/L: +$2505.
$/hour: +11.87
hours: 211

online MTTs & S&Gs:

games: 5
profit: $5.05

So, family may say so (and continues to be ultra-supportive) but as the responsible bread winner I've realized I need to be better rolled to make it happen. Wish I'd been a little less stubborn - 10 buy-ins down and 6 losing sessions in a row... But I was so sure that because I knew I was off my game and what I was doing so horridly that I could out-play myself!

11 hours 2 hands

Well, that session could've gone better...

Hovered around the even mark for several hours - up $60, down $40 sort of thing. I was finding it tough getting anything really going, but still holding my own. Later in the night that changed in two hands with one 'inventive' player. Mad part is I had AQ both times.

First hand, I had AQoff in late pos wit ~$350; UG+1 had put in a blind raise to $10, UG+2 Re'd to $45, I flat called, villain flatted in SB, blind raiser folds, original raiser calls. Flop is Q47 rainbow, pot is ~$135: I bet $75, SB calls, UG+2 folds and I'm heads up with villain. Villain says to me: "What do you want to do? Do you want to check it down?" My previous experience with this (it happens often enough at these tables) is that the player asking this has a weak hand or a draw - as I was thinking how to respond the dealer dealt the turn and it seemed that window was closed when the SB bet out $35 into the ~$285 pot. Board was still rainbow and unconnected and I really wasn't too sure what he was doing so I flat called. River brought another blank, pot is ~$355. When SB checks to me I put him on a missed loose draw or weaker Q and I push my remaining chips - ~$145. Villain quickly calls and shows Q7. Hmmm.

I re-load to the max BI of $300, take down a couple of little pots and watch the villain from Q7 hand play every hand, any two cards and chip up quite nicely. Second and 'time to go home hand':

I'm in HJ w/AcQc. 2 limpers before me, I raise to $40... blah blah blah, when I hit my second pair on turn I'm sure I'm good this time heads up with good ol' out of position again villain, get in most of my $ on turn. Final board: A45Q9, no flush. Villain shows 2d3s and takes pot with the straight. I go home.

The table is still talking about the hands he's played when I leave and regs are hovering to jump in on that great action. I would've reloaded and kept at it because I do recognize there's profit to be made with the guy, but at this point I'm pretty tired and don't have the heart for it so I've decided tp fight on another day

Session stats:

Duration: 11:48
Buy-In: $700
Cash-out: $0
<$700>

Overall:

P/L: +$4305.00
$/hour: $24.05
Hours: 179

Learning Curve (part 3.14...)

I arrived at the San Manuel casino on Sunday a little tilted, because as I was driving I realized I'd made a maths error - my biggest loss to date was 5.33 BIs ($1600).
It was probably an omen for the session that followed.

Most notable moments for me:

I was down 5+ BIs after about hour 8. I took a break and walked outside for a bit. I've really learned a lot from Bart Hanson's Cash Plays podcast and one idea from him kept going in my head - if I was down from poor play - leave it for another day. But if I was stuck and still thought I was playing well and the opportunities were good - stay. I felt solid and, so I stayed.

I got even again and then into the positive by hour 12. I was enjoying the table (even through the earthquake!) including re-meeting a solid player/nice guy who I'd played with during my last long session at Morongo before Christmas.

I made two mistakes which eventually lead me to end the session and head home stuck again (down 2+ BIs <$720>) :

I ran into an angle-shooter. I recognized him as an aggressive, 'you all know nothing!' player from other sessions - too cool for the room. I didn't recognize that the dealer at the time was not in control of the table. I ended up heads up in a pot with him. What he and I agreed with in the last betting: I bet $20, he raised to $60, I made it $160. I won the pot. The rest was disputed for at least 15 minutes.

Several of the other players and I know: He slammed the table and said call. I showed the nut flush, he grumbled and mucked. The dealer started to push the pot my way. Before I had the chance, another player said - 'he needs to put in the $100'. Dealer says 'oh!' and reaches to him. He then says he put some chips in when he slammed the table, doesn't know how much but he doesn't owe $100. It degenerates into lots of people shouting and the dealer has no idea what the action was and keeps hesitating to call the floor until one of the players shouts 'we've asked you 10 times! Call the f'ing floor!' Meanwhile, the table looks like this: in front of me over the line are two stacks of 30 and a 100 stack (exactly as I pushed them out). In front of villain over the line are 4 stacks of 15, exactly as he'd laid out his bet. The mess of chips from the action before the last betting round in front of the dealer, over the burn cards. No sign of the odd chips he said he put in. The floor is mystified because all the dealer can say is she thinks he still owes the $100 but she's not sure. Villain keeps arguing he doesn't owe the full amount. Players mention the camera - I ask and the floor says the cameras wouldn't be able to see that action. !?! A couple of players say to the villain, why don't you compromise and put in $60 - villain jumps at the chance. Floor asks me to accept compromise. I say fine, stack my chips and take a break.

Just outside the poker room I run into MS, the guy from my table I'd played a lot with before who wasn't in his seat when this happened. I tell him about it and his advice is: We're the two biggest stacks at the table, he's got over $1300 and I've got about $1700 while all of the other players have $100 to $400 (mostly new at the table - $300 BI max) so there's not a lot in it for us anyway. He says he was going to change tables anyway and that it's not the best idea to stay at that table and target that villain from tilt etc.

I've never had this happen before - there are loads of river calls where the loser puts in the call chips after seeing they've lost. I guess my lesson learned is if I see the dealer is not on top of the game and the villain is questionable, make sure they actually push the call chips in before showing my cards. It's just never done in this room that I've seen.

Crazy bit is, after I changed tables, an hour or two later I had the same dealer who did the same thing to a different player - didn't know the pot wasn't right when she started to push it to the winner, but when told the call chips weren't in there and she turned to the loser he just paid up. I'll definitely be mindful when she's dealing at my table!

The other thing I learned was that errors come out in my game when I'm playing too long that are more subtle than what I was expecting. I lost a giant pot by not adjusting to the player I was against- I lose my focus on each individual at the table. So I've got another game check for myself when I take a breather away from my table: if I can run through the seats in my head and tell myself how I've observed each is playing then fine - if they're a blurry lump then it's time to go home.

Session stats:

Duration: 23:07
BI: $1650
CashOut: $930
<-$720>

Overall:

P/L: +$5005
$/hour: $29.97
hours: 167

Moving

 Big changes for me.  All I can say is thank science for modern technology so I can keep in touch with my friends and family overseas!

I'm trying something else new:

I moved back to Southern California on 28th February. Been gone since 1998 - living in Ireland, working hard and raising my children. Poker has always been my 'me' time. I'm very different from the rest of my family: My sister works hard, plans and trains, and goes off and climbs Mt. Kilamanjaro. I work hard, study and put in online hours and save up to go to London and play in the GPS tournaments. So, I moved back to the U.S. following a divorce and needing a job change (economy is really suffering in Ireland). I land here a week and a half ago and immediately start looking for work, from temping to applying for a chip runner job. Have to get some income started as savings definitely won't last forever. But my family, from my two teenagers to my angelic step-mother, all think I should give it a go making poker my job. None of them are poker players. I'm awestruck by my family's support and a little scared but I'm going to give it a go. I will still try to find a part-time job as I don't have a right sized bankroll yet, but for the moment, live poker is my work (and joy ) and I'm hoping making this thread will make my poker work even better, as reading other people's threads definitely does. When I was here in SoCal for a couple of months before (about 6 weeks at the end of 2012) I played live at the local casinos - San Manuel and Morongo. I logged every session into the Poker Income app. My current report is: Profit/Loss: + $5,725.00 $/hour: + $39.76 $/Session: +$301.32 Hours: 144 Typical game I play is NLHE 2/5 or 1/3 - BI $300 My worst session to date is -4 BIs (-$1600) and my best is +7.5 BIs (+$2250) (I would make the positives green and the negs red but I can't figure out the colors at this point ) I've played 22 hours over my last 3 sessions. (I wish the report included average hours/session) I'm off to San Manuel again in a few minutes - it's only a 10minute drive for me - but from reading other threads I'm sure I'm going to have to make the Bike and the Commerce as soon as I can.  First the Bike, I think, so I can wave to Knifeboy!

Happy Accident

Tuesday was my last day to play for a bit.  Thanksgiving on Thursday and a lot of family coming to stay meant it was time to head back to San Manuel casino.  I expected to be stuck playing $2/4 limit hold'em again, but hoped that because of the holiday period there'd be more no limit tables going than I'd found last time.

I arrived about half past three, got my $100 in $1 chips and went to the brush.  Of the 40 or so tables going, they actually had a couple of tables of Omaha and 7 card stud and three tables of nlhe!  I put my name down for the $1/2 and went to play some limit hold'em while I waited.

After about 45 minutes of wasted pocket kings and such, I took a break to check in with the brush because I couldn't see my initials on the board anymore.  There'd been a change of staff and something got messed up somewhere so I had to put my name down again.  Fifteen minutes later and I got the call to table 8.

I took my rack of chips (still about $100) to the table and took seat 1, my least favorite.  I was thinking about how I'd move to change to any different seat that opened while I pulled $200 out of my wallet to buy more chips, as I'd seen the max buy-in was $300.  Doubt crept in when I was given 2 stacks of $5 yellows to go with my rack of $1 blues, and then the dealer asked if she could buy some of my blues.  It was then I noticed that all the players had mostly yellows ($5 chips) and a two or three had a lot more than $300.  In fact, the polite young man to my left had well over $1000 in yellows.  Huh.  It took a few beats for me to realize I was at the $2/5 table.  The blinds hadn't come around to me yet, so I definitely had time to stand up and find the right stakes for my $300, but I had noticed a couple of other things:  first- 7 out of the 9 players at the table were mid-twenty-something males (one seat was empty of a player but had about $500 in chips and a 'missed blind' disc in front of it).

In my admittedly brief experience playing live, both cash and tournaments, I've noticed that something in the dynamic between middle-aged female me and twenty-something male players gives me an edge against at least 80% of them.  Whether it's because they immediately box me as a M.I.L.F. (Mother I'd Like to Felt) or H.O.T. (Housewife On Tilt) I'm not sure, but there's something at work where they don't believe me when I have it and do believe me when I'm bluffing.  So with a number of prime candidates at this table I decide to give it a go and see how the dynamics played out.

The next notable event was when a young reg-type wandered by and said hello to a couple of the players and asked about the seat with chips but no player.  The guys in seats 7 and 9 lit up:

"It's BeRad!"

"Brad?  The Brad?"

"The one and only!" followed by big grins.  Hmmm. 

The dealer change came up soon after and the sitting dealer told the new one: "Seat 5's been missing for ages.  It's time he's out."  Several of the guys erupted with protests: "No way!  Hold his seat!" and the like.  The new dealer sat down and said, "If the players want him here, we don't interfere.  Not our job."  Everybody settled down.  I looked forward to seeing what The Brad was like.

I played only a few pots in the next half hour or so, noticed that the B.S.(Boy Shark) in Seat 9 liked to pop a raise pre-flop every hand and tested him a bit to see, yep, he only really got stubborn with me.  Meanwhile, The Brad arrives back at the table, whisky grin on his 60ish face saying "Did you miss me, boys?"  And proceeds to try to buy Johnny Walker Black for the table "and whatever the lady wants.", wink.

Over the next few hours he proceeded to talk 'drunk', lose big pots, re-load, re-buy drinks, win bigger pots and generally have a good time while being greeted like family by the floor people.  From what I saw, only the guy in Seat 2 was really seeing the profits from The Brad situation.  He was early to mid-twenties, very quiet, very polite and a very strong, smart player (and so didn't qualify as a B.S.).   I eventually left the table with $1230 about four hours after sitting down while Seat 2's stack had grown to near $3000.  And we never once got in each other's way.

My visiting family's all hitting the road again at the weekend and I'm looking forward to returning to San Manuel.  I am aware, by the way, that the more astute B.S.s will adjust, so I've decided to make sure I take my $300 to the $1/2 table, at least to start.

Capture the flag

I  played the Fox Poker Room Main Event at the beginning of September.  I got there as the winner of The Hendon Mob Forum syndicate.*   The 2-day event was very well run as usual for Genting and a great structure.  I took 5th place for £1905.  My percentage in the sydicate meant I took home £905.  I happily tipped the dealers out of my portion knowing it was well deserved not least because, judging by their astonished though patient reactions, dealers at the Fox aren't used to players fighting back tears after being informed they put out an incorrect amount for a raise. (I'm working on that.)

The day after (Monday) I played a smaller Fox tournament and got 5th there as well.  When I registered for this, the poker room manager Nick V. warned me this one wasn't an event that would get me another Hendon Mob database entry - he knows I've developed a mild case of flag fetish.

Since then I've been on an extended trip to the U.S. where we all know there isn't much on-line poker to play.  I've even missed the re-launch of Full Tilt!  But I'm assured my $1.53 will be held securely until I can log in again.  So, since I'm here until the beginning of January I've been playing in brick n mortars when I can.

I played one night in Hollywood Park Casino.  All the poker room staff were friendly and welcoming and the security guards never once drew their guns (it's an interesting place, Inglewood).  I went for the nightly 6:30pm tournament - not the best structure and it started over an hour late but I was gasping to play and we eventually got about 40 players.  Made the final table but not the money (pretty top heavy pay-outs) though they did give us all a $5 meal voucher just for entering and they make a pretty good reuben.

There were about 20 cash tables running on this Wednesday night.  They actually had a mixed game table ($2/4)- I was thrilled to get the chance to play mixed live for the first time so I put my name down and watched the table for a while.  The dealer was excellent, the players were a very mixed bag of age, race and gender but all were intensely focused and the table had several avid observers.  Every passing minute left me feeling more intimidated to be honest.  After about 15 minutes I asked a floorman how long he thought the wait for the mixed games would be.  He told me they were all regs and there for the duration but maybe the player who was a school teacher would leave by midnight or so.  (This had me running through the list of my childhood teachers and re-evaluating.)  A combination of disappointment and relief hit me at the news of the long wait since it was only about 10pm.  So I put my name down for $1/$2 nlhe and got a seat within a minute or two.

I sat for the next four hours in sincere gratitude to the pokerverse for my regular visits to The Hendon Mob Forum.  Playing with that lot in the league and other forum interactions have honed my game to mediocre in the Mob world, but made me something of a Hollywood Park shark.   (By the way, mediocre is a big leg-up from where I was when I first started ghosting that forum.  I thought I [i]knew[/i] poker back then.  Now I know I don't know, you know?)  About an hour in, a floorman came over to tell me a seat was available at the mixed table.  I declined.  I left at 2am when the tables were all breaking up - I ended up leaving with about $350.

I'm now in a different part of southern California and the local (10 mins drive) is the San Manuel Indian Casino.  The poker room is newly renovated, quite large, non-smoking and sound-proofed from the gazillions of slot machines.  Most of the staff are very friendly and the dealers are sound.  Table service for food and drinks is pretty good too.  All in all a very comfortable place to play.  But.  They offer no tournaments.  Worse, it turns out they also offer almost no nlhe.  It's a limit hold'em mecca here.  I arrived at about 6pm on a Thursday and while there were maybe 30 or so tables going out of what looked like 50 or 60 available - only ONE of those was nlhe.  The min buy-in for $2/2 was $20.  I sat down with $100 and rode the rollercoaster a few times to finally leave at 5:30am with $120. (Got comped a couple of meals so at least that $20 win was pure profit.)  When I left the poker room at dawn there were still three full tables going and more people were starting to dribble in. 

The players were a very entertaining bunch.  One guy told me not to set my handbag on the floor.  He said he was just looking out for me because in his community (Mexican) the women see it as bad luck financially to ever put their bags on the floor. (I kept it on the bottom shelf of my drinks table after that.)  Most seemed more intent on what the flashing light at the brush was doing than on the game.  The rake is $3 at $2/2 plus one for the jackpot - which excites the players more when that police-type light flashes blue than other colors.  I never did get a clear idea of the jackpot requirements, but there were 8 other players at the table being lookouts so I figured it was covered.  Over many hours of playing I finally learned not to chase too much post flop, and to semi-bluff only very strategically.  Mostly.  Also that most of the other players will chase but won't bluff much. Mostly. 

Limit hold'em has always been one of my weakest of mixed games so I'm looking at this as (another) opportunity to improve.  I'll leave driving an hour or so to the next nearest casino- Morongo - until after the Thanksgiving holiday here.  I also might make the drive into L.A. and have a go at the Bicycle Casino or the Commerce.  Or both.



*This was an amazing value syndicated satellite: The syndicate played a single table on-line tournament where 10 players paid £22 each, 1st place won the seat and 47.5 % of any main event prize money winnings, with the other nine syndicate players getting a percentage of possible winnings as well.  The Mob and Genting very generously paid the other half of the £400+£35 Fox main event buy-in.

Gack. TILT

So you've had some life issues.  Some serious real life family-type issues going on recently, and your head hasn't been in the game. 

Ok, here I am saying 'you' when I really mean me.  My head hasn't been correct for poker for several weeks.  That doesn't mean I haven't played a bit, but it does mean I haven't played seriously - or with any real focus.  Life tilt, really.  Best to not play anything I should take seriously.

But once in a while I feel like, 'I could focus right now.  I could play my A game.'

Last time I felt that way I played great and got close to a good score on Genting - busted 4th, top 2 players paid a £430 GPS buy in.

Tonight I was feeling right as well.  Decided to play Speed Poker because I've noticed from previous 'dip-ins' that a lot of the play suits my game.  I won't call it 'soft', because I think that term is far too nebulous and arrogant/insulting (depending which perspective you have).  But the brilliant Speed Poker challenge being run right now means there are a lot of players working with a specific agenda, and that suits my strategy.

There have been a lot of software updates on Genting/iPoker in the last week or so, though, and they don't they don't seem to be sitting right- in my laptop at least.  I've reported a few problems about freezing and total shutdowns of the site software.  I continued to play, though, because the opportunities seemed to outweigh the difficulties.

Until this:

Frozen out of a dream set-up.  Forced to fold and sit-out.  (There is no time-bank on iPoker Speed like there is on PokerStars 'Zoom'.)

Probably it hits me harder because I play so rarely right now.  But I think any poker player seeing this hand can feel the pain of the sit-out & fold forced here.

I sent this screenshot to the site-meisters, and proclaimed I can't play Speed Poker until the issues are sorted.  It's not a threat.  For one reason, because I'm not in any way a rake monster that they would court or worry about losing, so there is no threat to Genting/iPoker at all. 

But really, it's about my sanity - life tilt is hard enough.  Life management as well as bankroll management is shouting at me: 'BAD risk!!!'.  So, I've logged onto Stars to play a bit of 8-mix.  For now.  The old saying, 'A change is as good as a rest.' has always worked for me.

Sidenote:  'Rush' poker always tries to force its way in when I'm speaking/writing about any 'quickly-changing-table' type play.  And on Rush there were tournaments!  I'm smiling now - trying to remember the FullTilt(sponsored by PokerStars) re-start date...