I often think of my life situations in terms of poker, and I was looking at my present as getting a card on the turn that presents possibilities. I really want to win this hand, and I need the stack infusion, but the flop wasn't so great. Well, now the turn has come and I've got a chance to take it down - new life and new hope with a draw to the nuts.
Almost exactly a year ago I learned that my mother was terminally ill. I lived in the west of Ireland and she in North Carolina, U.S. I'd been planning to visit her since Christmas and hadn't found a way out of my day to day life to do it - work especially seemed too pressing. The news sent me spinning - the only thing I was certain of was that I had to go to her as soon as I could.
Our relationship had always been a challenging one to say the least. A very rocky road from early childhood. She did a lot of work on herself in the last twenty years and had come round to being a solid, positive member of my family in the last several years. When my marriage ended about nine years ago and I became a single mother of two children, something really kicked in for her and she became a rock for me in that stormy sea - albeit a distant one - with some financial support and general 'you can do this, girl!' encouragement. She demanded nothing in return; these actions weren't bribes or preparations for manipulations. She'd begun purely giving to me and my children out of love, and this did much to heal old, old wounds.
So, I new I had to go see my mother, but having spent little time with her in person since I became an adult, I wasn't certain enough of her behavior to book more than a week there. After being with her for just a couple of days, though , I knew my 'new' long-distance mother was the same in person. This was crushing to me in its own way because now I felt the loss of all the missed days. At this point she was still able to have pretty normal days - walking and talking and even having energy to go out to eat some days. I decided I had to stay and be with her until her end. I knew this meant losing my job of six years - that's just the way my former boss rolls. I also took into account the difficulties this would cause my kids, especially my son. He's a teenager, and a remarkably stable and intelligent guy, but still - the prospect of being without your mom for months is serious. He and his older sister (also a teenager) both completely understood though - we're a tight unit. Together we figured out a workable solution.
So that was the flop - I've got maybe a pair of tens and the board is A J 9 rainbow and the villian seems to like their hand. The villain here being opposing financial forces i.e. I've now got no income coming in and lots of expenses. I flew my daughter out to stay with my son and continued paying for her apartment in Los Angeles, as well as my own rent and living costs for them in Ireland. On the fortunate side, my hand began pretty strong: my family of friends in Ireland were elementally supportive - by that I mean down-to-the-ground wonderful in helping with everything there while I was a couple of time zones and thousands of miles away.
I am forever grateful for having a few months with my mother before she died. It was a profound experience and it changed me: because I stayed I got to be her advocate in a complicated situation in her personal life and help make her last days better not just by being her companion and seeing to her physical comforts, but protecting her. I know that's pretty vague but the details don't belong here. We had some fun times too - her taste in entertainment is different to mine - we watched 'Farscape' every night on Netflix. Who could predict my mother enjoyed goofy sci-fi? We went to the zoo - her last real outing and very important to her. I failed at re-creating her famous beef stroganoff, but delighted her with an above par reuben sandwich. We talked and watched movies and I brought her fresh blooms from her rose garden.
She had two memorial services. One in Pittsboro, North Carolina for her friends there, and her final interment outside Phoenix, Arizona which my children were there for as well. She'd always loved the desert best of all lands.
My kids and I then went to Southern California to be with their Nonna - my Jody: former step-mother and daughter of my wonderful Grampa Arthur, she who has always been their fully realized grandmother and my best parent through all the years. In fact, before she died my mother took a moment to tell me that she'd always been grateful that my sister and I had Jody in our lives, and was forever thankful that Jody stepped up when we were young and needed a real parent. So we're at our safe haven, our home in the U.S., and I'm trying to figure out the new puzzle of my life and mourn my mother.
We stay through the new year. Jody has her own things going on of course, and I'm finally able to be there and be supportive. She'd been our life-line, giving and supportive beyond belief always, but especially so in the last several hardship years, and though I'd made sure the kids got out to be with her every summer, it'd been years since she and I had time together. Now it became clear to me she needed some support as well. The things your loved ones don't tell you when you're far away and have troubles of your own can end up changing your priorities very quickly.
The end decision was the only right one in my power, I couldn't live so far away from people who need me anymore. I have a very real family of 'other bloods' in Ireland, but they're all doing pretty well, and I knew it was time to focus on Jody, and be available to her and the others in my family here that I'd neglected for so long.
So, here I am living with Jody in San Bernardino, California since the 1st of March. I used my savings to move us here and keep us going. I finally got an entry-level part-time job at the end of April - a struggle since I've no work history in the U.S. and I'm a middle-aged non-professional with jack-of-all-trades work history. My non-work, non-jobhunt life has been pretty trying: studying, discussing and playing poker was a key factor in my life, and has kept me positively focused on possibilities during my last 15 years. Out here there's no online, of course, and it's been too long since I had the money to play live. What's worse is I'm waaay too far away for a meet-up with my mates on The Hendon Mob Forum. I'm jonesing for sure. I thought for a very short while I'd be able to make a living playing poker, but I just didn't have the bankroll for it. So while my stats are still good, and I'm officially still up several thousand, my life expenses just don't give me the opportunity on this flop.
However. Tomorrow I have a very good chance at a full time position with perks and future career opportunities. I've been recruited, they want me, but it's not a done deal yet. A full time job would not only mean my life expenses are covered, but I can begin rebuilding my bankroll as well and have enough money for us to make a visit home to Ireland. On hearing this job news today I felt like the card that's come down on 4th street is a good one.
So, let's see, we had a pair of 10's with a flop of A J 9 rainbow and the villain bet out and we called. Well, the turn is an 8. Possibilities.
