I can't outplay myself

Well, it's been a rough couple of weeks. I haven't posted because I've been glooming badly - so far off my game I keep asking myself if I even have a game.

It took several losses for me to realize that as soon as I decided to play for a living I went on some kind of tilt - every chip became food I'd taken off my family's dinner table so to speak. And I started chasing those chips, trying to force hands in the worst way possible, and then misplaying hands so that I didn't get value. Suddenly the stakes I'd been comfortable with for months had become uncomfortable for me and I was playing like someone with Turrets who only shouts 'Raise! Call! Fold!' and only at the worst possible moments.

I've taken some time off the live tables - finally tested the waters yesterday by playing a few small things on Lock and suddenly my game returned to me.
I stuck $100 on there and just played a few micro things. But I felt like my game and my poker mind was back.

I knew my bankroll wasn't near enough to be fully rolled, but I didn't realize what a toll it would take on my game when it became reality that I wasn't just playing and making money at poker, I HAD to make money at poker. I don't know if I can really express what a mind f**k this was in so many ways - including letting so many people down.

So, I've been interviewing for part-time jobs as well for the last week. This should take the expenses edge off, and I'll go back to the local cash tables. In the meantime, I'll play micro S&Gs and MTTs online and stabilize myself again.

Live Session Stats:

P/L: +$2505.
$/hour: +11.87
hours: 211

online MTTs & S&Gs:

games: 5
profit: $5.05

So, family may say so (and continues to be ultra-supportive) but as the responsible bread winner I've realized I need to be better rolled to make it happen. Wish I'd been a little less stubborn - 10 buy-ins down and 6 losing sessions in a row... But I was so sure that because I knew I was off my game and what I was doing so horridly that I could out-play myself!